Mexico, Day 1
9ish - Dulles
Diana and I (and later Amy) risked our lives by getting a ride
to the airport with Mommy. Highlights included the millionth
retelling of the "notes are just a suggestion" story, her
swerving on the road while trying to give Diana some very
medication, and her parallel parking slash near
killing of Dave in the arrivals lane.
The boys got to ride with Dan.
We got checked in and went through security with no problem,
took the mobile lounge to the gate and had just a short wait
before we boarded.
We were a bit delayed by some weather...somewhere. The pilot
kept telling us the route he was going to use as an alternate,
as if someone might possibly know a shorter way to go. "No, no,
Birmingham airspace is so congested this time of day. Fly over
Anyway, Dave and Scott sat together on the plane, Greg and
Diana sat together, and I sat with Amy. We had many minutes of
unrestrained finger picking goodness. I had a blanket
a pillow and was quite toasty and warm, especially
after my hot tea (four sugars) and a surprisingly tasty apple
granola bar. Amy had the orange juice. She said it was
The AA site lied to us--we were supposed to get a meal. There
better be one on the flight from Dallas to Cabo.
The movie was Men In Black II, but we did not pay $2 each for
headphones, and so were confined to comparing the character
with the lazy eye to Dave. That was free and
read 9 chapters in my chapter book (Triggerfish Twist
Tim Dorsey). Maybe now I could pass the fourth grade. If I
could be any animal for a day, I'd be a dolphin, no, a leopard,
no, a pony! Where is my pony anyway?
Noon - Dallas
Dave, Greg and Scott had barfilicious McDonalds, Diana couldn't
wait for the Mexican tasty goodness and had Taco Bell, and Amy
and I had Au Bon Pain. It's a good thing we ate because the
stupid lying corporate bastards at AA said there would be a
meal, but alas, beverage service only. Mother falcons!
After that, we were called to the desk to see if we wanted to
sit together. Patricia put Dave, Diana and Scott together and
Amy, Greg and me together.
Then we started on the more difficult task of filling out
forms. We messed up many times. You would never know, as Diana
said, "I fill out forms for a living." We were all especially
baffled about our respective occupations. Student? Engineer?
Also, the jetway was never-eneding. We half expected there to
be cheese at the end. When we got on the plane, one of the
flight attendants was maniacally stabbing some ice.
Also, there were no pillows or blankets to be found anywhere.
I got the window seat and watched them load baggage. Quel
Amy read the customs guidelines and apparently, we are only
allowed to bring in 5 toys. Who knew.
Between 1 and 2 - Somewhere over Mexico
Well. That was the smallest bag of pretzels ever. E-VER. Amy
and Greg had coke, I had hot tea. Greg reported that even only
a half hour into our flight, we all had, at some point, been
I'm fairly comfortable on this flight, which can only mean that
everyone else is frying.
I just finished Triggerfish Twist
. A good book overall,
but the ending was a little hartang.
Amy is currently enjoying some more finger picking goodness.
Greg, sho is looking verry verry seepy, is watching me write.
Anything to add, Greg? Nope.
It looks like Diana is sleeping. The backs of Dave and Scott's
heads look awake.
Maybe now would be a good time to look through the travel books
we bought and come up with some dinner recommendations. Amy has
suggested that we steer Scott away from the $70/pp Mexican
Scott reports that he is watching The Bourne Identity
Dave is reading The Hot Zone
. Diana is still
There is a woman two rows back who has not broken a note. She
talks more than my mother! Shut up about your husband's sales
job in New Mexico, already!
The Mexico coastline is lovely. We are now entirely over the
ocean. In the event of a water landing, my seat cushion can be
used as a flotation device.
If I knew Mexican geography, I could describe where we were. I
suppose that 3rd grade "Country In A Box" project was all for
Anyway, we are flying over the space between mainland Mexico
and that piece that might as well be an extension of
We are beginning our descent into Cabo. I used the airplane
lavatory--something that I hate to do. There was aromatherapy
soap. I liked it. We are flying over some mountainy islands. I
hope we don't get a red light at customs. [Editor's Note:
Yes, I realize that paragraph was totally nonsensical. Also,
Diana did get a red light at customs.
6:30 - Rose (that's where we're staying)
We checked in and had a really good lunch at the hotel
restaurant. There was some awesome salsa and some tasty drunken
beverages to be had. The soups were especially good.
Then Dave, Greg, Diana and I walked down to the beach and
checked it out while Scott got towels and Amy put the leftovers
away. We adjourned to the pool and Dave and Scott kept trying
to make me get in the fucking pool even though I was cold and
just wanted to talk to Diana. I plan to turn up the thermostat
one degree at night for every time they berate me about going
in the pool, going clubbing, or eat time Dave turns my collar
up. Mwah ha ha.
We have to conserve energy for our timeshare rebuff tomorrow
morning at 10 a.m. There will be bacon.
I broke my favorite shoe. Hopefully one of the boys will be
able to fix it.
We had drinky poos and chips and salsa at the Nowhere Bar
tonight. I believe I am a spot drunk. And sad about my shoe.
Mexico, Days 2, 3 and
12:30 p.m. - The Pool
We have just ordered some drinks, nachos, chicken fingers, and
The boys went to the beach while Diana and I got in the pool
and Amy played mom and watched us.
We are back from a morning of touristy scamming goodness.
In which a reputable, badge wearing guy
at the airport named Raphael scammed us out of $78 in cab fare.
This will come up again later.]
Later hopefully we will go to 1/2 priced sushi and the grocery
store. Then I'd imagine we'd come back here before embarking on
some sort of drunken adventure.
Poolside - afternoon
Last night Scott, Diana and I went to the grocery store for
$136 worth of breakfast food, snacks, and beverages. We took a
taxi home, and our driver was very cool but kept putting heavy
stuff on top of the eggs.
When we got back, Amy, Greg and Dave were yelling at us to shut
the door, but unfortunately, we were to grocery-laden.
We all changed into hot and sexy outfits (Diana started that
trend) and then went to dinner at Blue Agave. We all had
martinis. Here are the specifics, in list form:
-Greg: lemon drop
-Amy, Dave, Scott: apple
After some discussions of Oprah, strip clubs and the
restaurant's keyboardist, we had the hostess take our pictures
and then went to find a club. We stopped at Cabo Wabo, but the
band was random and loud.
Then we went to El Squid Roe, and had some drinks, jellow
shots, dancing and general debauchery.
We came home and were drunk and silly.
This morning I woke up and was hartang [Editor's Note
Not due to alcohol, that's later.] so I scheduled an 80 min.
Sweedish massage. Actually, Scott scheduled it and one for
himself. It was a good time but there is not as much emphasis
placed on modesty as in the U.S. The hot tub was especially
nice, as was the apple water, robes and music.
I met everyone at the pool. Scott and Greg were playing pool
volleyball. I ordered some iced tea and nachos. The weather is
being crappy. No idea what the plan is for tonight, but I bet
it involves alcohol.
10:30 a.m. - Poolside
Yesterday evening we had dinner at the hotel restaurant. It was
grill night and there was a buffet. Diana and I had the
marinated chicken, and everyone else had the filet
We abandoned the pool a bit early on account of Whistle Man
(tm) [Editor's Note
: Whistle Man (tm) was 'officiating'
the pool volleyball game. Unfortunately, everyone playing pool
volleyball sucked. The maximum amount of volleys that I counted
was nine, but the average was somewhere around 2. Whistle man
(tm) kept whistling; unfortunately, none of the players knew
what this meant.] and the fact that it was RAINING outside.
Seriously, it is beyond me why six reasonably intelligent
people sat in the rainy nastiness for the sake of being by a
After dinner we had maragritas, gin and tonic, and salsa while
playing card games and having various disturbing
Now we are back to worshipping our pool. Scott has promised me
Japanese today between 4-6 but I am doubtful about that.
Picking up where we left of...(in list form)
-The pirate ship was full so we were moved to the Oceana.
-We walked forever in the million degree heat to find that Kaz
was klozed. We had dinner @ Cabo Wabo. All of us had margaritas
except Amy. I had the prime rib, Amy and Dave had shrimpies,
Greg and Scott had mahi mahi, and Diana had chicken.
-We had a tame night of cards, books, and minimal
-At 11 a.m. we were on the boat. It was hot. Then we went
snorkeling. It sucked. Then Diana and I almost lost our bathing
suits in the waves. Greg laughed. Then it was back to the boat
for some more alleged "fun." We had crappy nachos and coke and
sunscreen reapplication. Then we saw El Arco.
-We took the water taxi home. It was fast and our driver sang
"jump around." We had to jump off the taxi and Dave bit
-After dumping a whole beach's worth of sand on the floor, I
took a shower, as did everyone else.
-Dave amy and Greg are playing gin. Diana is going to check
email. Scott is going to the gym. Room service is on its
We are back from dinner at Felix's. It was very good authentic
Mexican. There was a salsa bar and we had cucumber, verde,
pico, pineappple, corn and regular.
Amy yarfed. So we took a taxi home.
Room service was good but we have had too much food
Now it is cold. Brr.
We played "Marry, Shag or Cliff" last night. [Ed's note:
This morning Greggie got up mucho early to go to the beach.
Amy, Dave and Scott followed suit.
Diana and I went shopping. Diana was complimented on her
Spanish and was Miss Bargain Queen. She got two cute little
chicken dresses for Kaya. We got some jewelry from Bla Bla Bla
I got a platter to match our kitchen. We picked up some chips
and salsa and soda. Then we took a $6 taxi back. Ahhhh, air
We went to the pool and joined the boys. Amy had gone back to
the room to enjoy the cold air. I finished my book, Girl
with a Pearl Earring
on loan from the Dan Verner
Collection. It was good. I gave it to Amy to read. I have
started Yellow Raft in Blue Water
but I do not like it
so much. I may abandon it for The Plague Tales
We had chips in salsa in the room and ther was some card
playing. Diana and I remained in the room to read (I painted my
toenails) while the rest went to the pool. Scott is now back
and in the shower. Amy and Dave just got back. I think Greg is
trying to make it his mission to stay there all day. Maybe we
will have Nik-San for dinner tonight but I am not sure.
Note: Dave is wearing the same outfit 2 times in a row.
Crazy Lobster appears to be closed on Sunday. That makes the
Crazy Lobster (Sundays)
We all had the orange juice. It was excellent. Greg and I had
the scrambled eggs and bacon, Amy had a blueberry crepe, Diana
had a mexican omlet, and Dave had the divorce. There were may
tasty salsas. I made potatoes de gallo.
When we got back to the hotel, we ran into Scott, who had just
had a meeting with Raphael. We got $80 back. Now Scott is at
the pool and Dave, Greg and I are playing cards. Amy is reading
and Diana is collecting sand for the other Diana.
Dave, Greg and I are getting ready to join Scott at the pool.
Diana made us a reservation at Mi Casa tonight.
We have run up a room bill of $1,100. It was the Cristal and
strippers that pushed it over the edge. And the crack. We can't
forget the crack.
We had dinner at Mi Casa. With our coupon we had an extra round
of drinks. This was a bad idea. Diana and I are now drunk. Way
drunk. AZUCAR! We will probably barf tomorrow. I would like to
give a shoutout to Dr. Nashel.
August 4, 2003
3:45 a.m. - Bathroom
Unfortunately, I have nothing on Dave and his last yarf time of
1995. I'm throwing up right now, but if that guarantees a
better plane ride, I'm all for it.
In the past hour I've tried to talk myself into feeling better,
tried to distract myself by singing irritating children's choir
songs, asked Greg to kill me, and asked Jesus to cast out the
drunken demons. Greg is sleeping. I think Jesus may have more
important things to do.
I can't believe people do this with any sort of frequency. I
certainly wouldn't need a 12-step program. The 1-step program
would be good enough for me. It would be: step 1-yarfing.
If someone could invent cures for hangovers and sunburn, do you
know how rich they'd be? Richer than God, that's how
I just don't understand how one stomach can have so many
2 1/2 hours of sleep, glorious sleep! Now I'm back in the
bathroom. I can't tell what my body wants. I think maybe it
wants to die.
Greg was smart and dosed me up real good with the Drowsy form
of Dramamine. This is why I love me some Greg. I got
de-hungover halfway to Texas when I woke up and felt like
having some ginger ale and pretzels. I also got us through
customs all sort of fast by looking near-death.
We had dinner at the Dallas airport and called Dan to see if
he'd pick us up. He gladly agreed because he wanted to get away
from my mother.
We got home without incident, and the next day Greg went to
work and I volunteered at church camp 'cause we're crazy. Diana
got home to her bombero and nina and was very happy. Amy
enjoyed her final moments before returning to the fourth grade.
I'm assuming Scott and Dave did things with computers.